It Makes All The Difference

DISCLAIMER: the following is an entry from the journal I have to write from my one class.  Therefore, it is a continuation of the “emotional, self-enlightenment, talk about my feelings” blog posts I’ve been putting up.  Though i think it’s actually really good and kinda ties everything together, I will not be offended if you skip over this post and wait for my next one (which will be about my daily life and maybe even include a video!)  Enjoy.

“The past week has been rough.  I’m not going to sugar coat it.  But as I sit here in my bedroom and listen to the goings-on of my house, I have to ask myself one question: WHY?  Why have I been struggling so much?  Why do I feel like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster?  Why isn’t this perfect?

After all, I have been dreaming of this experience for the past three years, ever since I heard of this program as a freshman.  The thought of Africa, with its exotic animals, fresh fruit, and rich culture had me sold from the very beginning.  So why, now that I am at the very center of it all, do I feel like being anywhere else but here?

Perhaps I expected something else, a four-month mission trip of a “hold-your-hand” journey through Uganda.  But this is real life here.  I may not be saving orphans or building churches, but I’m learning how to sit and drink tea and speak their language, literally.  This is full on culture immersion, the good and the bad, the exciting and the boring. Everything.

So as I take a mental note of “hey, transitions aren’t your thing,” I am beginning to draw one conclusion: attitude makes all the difference.  It is easiest to sit and complain about every small difficulty, and to say I haven’t done that on multiple occasions would by lying; but I will never get this day back.  Heck, I’ll never even get this moment back.  So I can either waste it by wanting to be somewhere else or I can face it head on and see where it takes me.  The scary part is… the choice is all mine.”

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After writing this entry, I went outside to help my sister cook dinner (meaning i watched) and tried talking to her.  Out of everyone in the house, she speaks the least English, so sometimes it is difficult.  However, we always end up laughing at each other for one reason or another.  As she stoked the fire, she said, “Code. When you leave… we will be missing you.”

And in that moment I realized that this is exactly where I need to be.  It may have taken me a week and a lot of internal confusion to get there, but I got there.  And now things are GREAT.  I’m about to leave for home so that I can set up a volleyball net (meaning a string tied to the house) to play volleyball with my family!  Life is good here.